Ponderings from the Weekend

I attended a weekend course which has left me pondering many things about myself. I am beginning to see patterns repeating themselves in my life. Years ago, an older friend told me that the more things change, the more they remain the same. I believe that this is what is happening with me at the moment.

During the weekend, one of the instructors, in trying to explain the concept of personal rule making; i.e., how we each make rules and expect others to abide by them, talked about the rule of eating tomatoes. If he ate tomatoes as a child and didn’t like them; tried them again several times in his life, he had a rule that he didn’t like tomatoes. Then one day, he had tomatoes cooked in a delicious sauce and liked them. Time to change the rule, “I don’t eat tomatoes.”

What is happening with me is that I met someone who lives in Gainesville. I lived in Gainesville for almost two years and loved every minute of it. He is an economist and I had an “I hate economics” experience when I was first married. My husband majored in economics and would try to get me to read this boring book that always put me to sleep. Now I am interested in learning more. I wonder why I wasn’t when my daughter majored in it.

I’ve been thinking about that marriage since I spent some time with my former husband and his wife a few weeks ago. He is just another person who was in my life years ago. I like his wife so we get along beautifully. Dinner was pleasant and then it was over.

My daughter is suggesting that I move closer to her. What a nice thought. I am happy and content here. If I were to move, it would be out of country. More things to think about.

Back to rules: what other rules have I made that don’t serve me? Don’t write men first. Don’t call men. I can’t be in a relationship with a much younger man. This is a big one. Some of my rules around relationships do serve me: Love myself first; otherwise I can’t love another. Practice forgiveness. Better yet, practice letting go of judgment. Let go of all rules that interfere with connection.