The Cardinal

There was once a young boy named Jack who lived in a big city where it was often too scary to go outside and play. In Jack’s neighborhood the houses were so close together they almost touched, and there was only one tree in the whole block where Jack lived. This tree was in front of Jack’s friend Mikey’s house. Mikey, who lived two doors down from Jack, found all sorts of fun things to do on the street where they lived. Mikey taught Jack where to look for spiders so they could watch them spin their webs on nearby broken window panes. Sometimes, if he was lucky, Mikey would find some birdseed to attract his favorite bird--a bright red cardinal who would visit without birdseed. Mikey said that when the cardinal was nearby, good things always happened to him. In fact, he was watching the cardinal when Jack first came by his house on the way home. When Jack and Mikey weren’t watching bugs or birds soaring in the air, they would often make capes out of bath towels and pretend that they were Superman flying all over town. They usually talked about becoming pilots, like the ones who flew the big airplanes that roared overhead. During these times, they knew that someday they would leave their neighborhood and soar in the sky, like the birds.

Then one day, as Jack was walking the two doors down to Mikey’s house, he heard gunfire and saw his friend lying on the sidewalk. The police came and then the ambulance arrived without its siren screaming. Jack knew then that he would never watch another spider spin its web with Mikey. In the days that followed, Jack roamed in the street on his block wishing that his friend Mikey was there with him. He would be going to school soon, but it wouldn’t be the same without Mikey. He wasn’t even sure that being pilot would be fun without Mikey. As he pondered on becoming a pilot, he saw a red cardinal perched on a branch of the tree in front of Mikey’s house. “Some lucky bird you are,” he was thinking, when all of a sudden, the cardinal flew around Jack’s head. He did a lazy eight and then a loop-the-loop, pulling straight up in the air. Back to earth he came, slowing his dive like he was coming in for a landing--he was. He landed back on the branch and looked Jack straight in the eye.

It was then that Jack knew--he knew that Mikey would always be there in the form of the cardinal. As Jack grew up and things got bad at home, he would always see the red cardinal and be reminded that someday he would leave the neighborhood and become a pilot just like he and Mikey planned when they were little.

The Decision

The Tampa summer between her junior and senior years of high school was hot. Her bedroom was small and without air-conditioning. She spent most of her time there, writing and reading. To gain a little more room and in the hopes of achieving an oriental effect, she dismantled her bed frame and put the mattress on the floor. The gray-green of her bedspread and drapes had a soothing, calming effect on the room. Her small white bookcase was jammed with books from her childhood and adolescence, including a couple of books of very sensual and provocative poetry. “I will write like that someday,” she thought.

As she sat on her bed, she made the decision to become an extraordinary writer; and she knew that she couldn’t write the great novel or poem until she had suffered sufficiently. After all, she had just completed a year of studying great literature and its authors. She was taken with many of the significant poets of the past. In learning about the lives of these notable writers, she thought they seemed to suffer greatly. She had just completed reading Camille by Alexander Dumas when this seventeen year old made the decision to suffer enough to become a writer of eminence.

From that long forgotten decision, she proceeded to live her life so that she would “suffer.” She chose to suffer for ten years with a man who was unfaithful from the first week of their marriage. When they divorced, she gave him custody of their daughter because he would provide well for her and would also encourage having contact with her daughter. And . . . her daughter would have two parents immediately. She chose suffering.

One time within the next three years, she was involved in a bank robbery. As she was measuring the men against the wall and noting their clothing, one of them demanded that she go to the vault and get all the money from there. She had always been told to give a robber whatever was demanded of her. When she replied that she didn’t have access to the money, it was construed as arguing with the men by someone in the home office. Consequently, she made the decision that her life wasn’t worth $2000.00 when she was praised for arguing.

Three years later, she married an abusive, active alcoholic. She took six years to figure out that she had choices and another six years to choose to leave. She went back to school, divorced that man and ended up marrying her best friend. This was an easy marriage, in which she finished her bachelor's degree and began her masters. Four years into their marriage and six months into the master's program, her beloved husband was diagnosed with cancer of the larynx. He died a little over a year later; she received her masters degree in clinical psychology within a few months of his death. She suffered by conscious choice.

It is only recently that she remembered that long ago decision. Only once did she consider the idea that she was suffering. However, when people told her that she had lived such a tragic life, she only remembered that she had many exciting and wonderful adventures along the way.